Monday, April 6, 2020
Firstly, I would like to acknowledge that this past summer in Australia has been tragic. Bushfires have destroyed so much of our precious and loved bush, many millions of our loved wildlife, so much of our heritage, and many of our communities. The smoke haze that covered our land suppressed the joy of a real Australian Summer, and many of us spent our summer indoors to avoid the heavy haze and impacts of smoke.
It is with a sad an heavy heart that I realised, we are going to be spending much of this year indoors now. While the global pandemic known as COVID-19 has surprised health officials, it has probably scared our governments and our communities even more. Here in Australia, and many parts of the world, we're learning to live with the rules aiming at keeping us safe - distancing. I dont want to call it social distancing - because I am a firm believer in the need for socialising - especially in times like this. And, there it is, the reason I am back at my computer and 'Thyme-for-Tea'.
Only just last week I've had 2 people ask me if I was going to host Paris in July this year... and to be honest, it had barely made it to the forefront of my brain in this years planning.... but the question did make me stop and think. I found myself reflecting on why I've had a break from blogging... and its essentially about emotional energy. This is a new personal insight for me, and one I want to hold to for a moment. [side note - have any of you listened to Esther Perele's podcasts? - she speaks about 'sitting with that thought'].
Traditionally I am a new years reflector - as the year turns over, I take time to consider the year in review, and play forward to new year. This year it didn't happen. So, this new insight, didn't come to me earlier....
Over the summer period, as a volunteer with the state emergency services (which I something I do ontop of my working life)... I was deployed to assist with bush fires. I dont fight fires, but I go to the 'staging area' where fire fighters and other emergency workers congregate morning, noon, and evening. There I support these people with welfare checks, debriefing, advice, and generally care for them. My role is to ensure they have enough energy to keep going - that they are safe to keep going - and if there're not - I support them to have a rest.
Guess what? Did I do this for me??
I have not been blogging because I have had some big stuff going on. for more than 18 months, I've been leading a big (like massive) project at work. Something I'm really proud to be involved in. But I wanted to make it perfect. I wanted it to be a career changing moment for me. This project with the outcomes that blows people away. However, this high expectation on myself was unsupported by my workplace. I've been running this high expectation all by myself. [note to self - ot's been going really well and people are noticing].
This pineapple flower has appeared recently in my garden (planted from the top of a shop bought fruit), and when I discovered it, I felt a new sense of joy. I helped this thing find it's flower!
Summer was difficult. Emotionally draining.
On top of that, my second hip (first hip was replaced 3 years ago) started deteriorating. Pain started coming back into my routines. I new I would be up for more surgery. Again, I set high expectations to be physically fit for the procedure. I used whatever energy I could find over summer to focus on exercise, diet, sleep, and well-being. The surgery was 3 weeks ago, and I am already feeling an improved sense of movement, and sleep. and in the next 3 weeks I will return to work, walking and (hopefully) the gym...
So, the question remains - will I be hosting Paris in July this year?
The answer is yet to reveal itself to me - but I hope that I will find new emotional energy that will allow me to pick up the things I love in life. Paris is one of those things.... Gardening... Bush walking.... and being with my friends.
The challenge I set myself now - is to sit with the new insight that work has been very demanding. My own high expectations have been demanding. The world, and the way I relate to it (by volunteer in disasters) is also demanding.... and I need to make my own Summer - find my own time to do the new years reflection.... and find new ways of being in a world with distancing rules.