When I'm not who I thought I was...

This little monk is always with me in the garden

I met a women last night who was introduced to me as a 'blogger'. So, needless to say, I also introduced myself as a blogger. The first thing she asked me was 'really, what do you blog about?'.... I was stopped in my tracks. What do I blog about?

My response finally came out... My blog is called Thyme for Tea - that's Thyme, as in the herb, and Tea, as in the comforting warm drink one enjoys at a leisurely pace on the weekends.... and I usually do that in my garden. My blog, is therefore, a place when I ponder the things I think about in my garden....'

it might be the end of winter, but there's a feel of spring in the air

This morning, I have some time for some in depth reflection. And I'm thinking about why I'm feeling upset (and unusually inert) that I'm not who I thought I was..... 

Recently, through work, I participated in a 360 leadership assessment. This is a form of personality assessment that invites contributions from your staff, your peers, your managers and others (360 degrees). You answer the survey questions about yourself, and they answer the same questions about you. Then the results are communicated back to you. In this instance, the focus of the survey was agility, innovation, collaboration, and performance.

On review of the results with my coach, it became blatantly obvious that my 360 assessors (peers, manager, staff and friends) and I, have matching views about me. This means that what I know about myself, the people around me can see this too. This is a wonderful trait to have. I'm pretty proud of that. I'm self aware, and my friends can see how I reflect those things that are important to me. My coach reported that my results were very impressive, and that the assessment has found only a handful of aspects of leadership that I could be working on.

Basically, the 360 leadership assessment has told me that I know who I am in the leadership space, and that my colleagues perceive that about me also. I am who I thought I was......

I never tire of admiring the symetry & hues of Kale

So why am I not who I thought I was? Well, it's about pain. For most of this year I have been experiencing hip pain which has very much dampened my joy of mornings, my cycling aspirations of riding 150kms a week, and training for a 200km in a day ride.... The pain has led me to miss boot camp classes, and to huddle up with a hot wheetbag instead of taking the dog for a walk... It's not as bad is it all seems - I'm probably exaggerating because I miss all of these things in my life. And I have found my new activity, swimming, to be meditative and soothing.

I'm still undergoing tests and consults, but the bottom line is, I'm not who I thought I was  - physically. I thoughts I was still young, I thought I would be climbing mountains and taking on cycling marathons for another 20 years yet..... I thought I could train for the next level of challenge - but I'm not that person.

Nasturtiums share the joy of crisp fresh days

So for now.... Thyme for Tea - my blogging haven - is a reminder for me to keep on finding the joy I can get from drinking warm tea, and the energy I get from growing my own food, the pleasure I get from cooking, and the healing touch of the sun I can find in the garden.

Today, my goal is to repot, weed, plant and harvest, while I take in the health giving energy I can get from my garden.

potted garlic shares the winter sun with me...

varieties of lettuce bring a variety of colours to the scene

And red spinach stems stand out

my bathtub of sweet potatoes

Grapefruit for morning joy!